flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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