Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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