Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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