Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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