anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
