The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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