I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
