just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Even the bartender felt bad for me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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