if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
