Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
