your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
