You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
