i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.