Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.