I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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