it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i drank out of a bidet.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life