Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back