I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this boner is exhausting
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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