Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL

(609): View more from New Jersey

dude. stop pregaming the food network.

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(215): im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL (609): dude. stop pregaming the food network. http://tfl.nu/x76m

Replies (6) Good night (2095) Bad night (492)
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(407): View more from Florida

Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.

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(407): Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life. http://tfl.nu/q1vp

Replies (38) Good night (4102) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
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(305): View more from Florida

It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.

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(305): It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me. http://tfl.nu/n11o

Replies (46) Good night (2215) Bad night (7924)
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(954): View more from Florida

I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.

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(954): I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about. http://tfl.nu/gd5e

Replies (43) Good night (1141) Bad night (8990) Order T-Shirt
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas

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(832): The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas http://tfl.nu/fiou

Replies (8) Good night (2026) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that

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(505): Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that http://tfl.nu/xqbd

Replies (15) Good night (1283) Bad night (2454) Order T-Shirt
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(618): View more from Illinois

She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up

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(618): She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up http://tfl.nu/rljs

Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (2200) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.

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(503): I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it. http://tfl.nu/f96n

Replies (6) Good night (2223) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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(727): View more from Florida

Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.

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(727): Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today. http://tfl.nu/0xc9

Replies (5) Good night (1402) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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(571): View more from Virginia

i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy

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(571): i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy http://tfl.nu/ffaz

Replies (13) Good night (734) Bad night (1466)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera

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(410): I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera http://tfl.nu/vxvj

Replies (4) Good night (957) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
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(325): View more from Texas

Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.

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(325): Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul. http://tfl.nu/ljpv

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(562): View more from California

New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips

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(562): New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips http://tfl.nu/8ne3

Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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(313): View more from Michigan

Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?

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(313): Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing? http://tfl.nu/tcaq

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...

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(701): Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter... http://tfl.nu/1omr

Replies (0) Good night (520) Bad night (151) Order T-Shirt

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