D3 body, D1 cock
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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