Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
