oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
