Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Houston, we have a squirter
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
