Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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