need another drink. this is the easiest way
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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