Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
