if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
