I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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