Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
