Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
