we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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