i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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