why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
