u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You did what with his pubic hair?
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