u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
