I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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