sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
