i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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