Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
