He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
