is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize