Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
