i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
