She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
