The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
