We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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