nut hugger
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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