Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
