He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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