Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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