I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
