I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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