Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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