awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
