:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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