my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
