Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So apparently I’m into choking now
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