You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
