Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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