apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
