The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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