i may or may not be watching the land before time
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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