you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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