It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
