he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
