Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
