I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
