Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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