please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
