Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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